The Healing Process
by youn2731
Summary: A GIRL WHO WAS IN HEAVEN MEETS A GIRL WHO WAS IN HELL. A BIT OF FLUFF. BUFFYFRED PAIRING
1. Prologue

**The Healing Process**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Buffy or Angel.**

**Setting: Season 6 BTVS/ Season 3 ATS Buffy goes to LA after being brought back to life from the Scoobies. When she goes to the Hyperion to see Angel, she finds someone else instead.**

**Pairing: Buffy/Fred**

**Author's Note: I've always thought that these two would be an interesting pairing. Also, while there might be vague references to what really happened in the series, much of this story is made up, so don't get all offended that it isn't the same as in the series. It's not meant to be, otherwise what is the point in writing the story? Lastly, this is story is mostly fluff.**

**Prologue**

Four friends sat by a grave and began to do a very dangerous spell, but before they could finish it, they were interrupted by a group of demons. Thinking that the spell didn't work, they left the grave.

* * *

Inside a coffin, a young woman's body was brought back to life. What was once a rotting corpse, suddenly became recomposed. The newly reanimated body gasped for air and realized that she was trapped in a wooden box: a coffin. She started to panic and dug her way out of her grave in a frenzy, resulting in getting dirty and dealing with bloody hands.

* * *

Buffy walked the streets of Sunnydale in a daze. She could see that the town was being destroyed by demons. _'Am I in Hell?' _She thought to herself. One minute she felt warmth, love and peace. The next thing she knew, she was being ripped away from said peace and waking up in her grave with no way to exit other than to claw her way out. She kept wondering, _'What the fuck happened?'_ Everything was so loud and painful to her, but on the inside she felt numb. It was almost like a dream that she hadn't woken up from, except that this was more of a nightmare.

* * *

Buffy was on the way to her house when she spotted two familiar faces, Spike and Dawn. 

"Buffy!" Dawn ran to her sister leaving Spike behind. "Is that really you?"

"Niblet, don't go running off like that! It's dangerous right now." Spike said as he caught up to her, too distracted to notice that Buffy was really standing right there. "Why are you talking to the Buffybot?"

"It's not the bot. I think it's really Buffy." Dawn insisted.

"Don't be silly. Of course it's the bot. Buffy's dead. How can that she be—-" Then Spike noticed that the "Buffybot" actually had a pulse. "Buffy?" He said lovingly, but held a confused note in his voice.

Buffy started to feel like everything was closing in on her. She ran away leaving Spike and Dawn standing there dumbfounded. As Buffy ran, she heard an attack several feet away from her, so she went to find it. She came across several demons about to close in on her friends. She ran up to them and dived into the mix, fighting all of them at once. When Buffy finished off the last of the demons, she saw her friends looking at her.

"Buffy?" Willow asked.

"Buffy! It's really you? The spell worked!" Xander shouted happily.

_'Spell? They did a spell? Is that why I was ripped from heaven?' _Buffy thought. _'I've got to get out of here!' _She did what she'd been doing all night and ran.

"Buffy, wait!" Willow shouted after her. She tried to chase after Buffy, but was too weak from the spell.

Buffy reached her house to find that Spike and Dawn had reached there the same time.

"C'mon luv. Let's get you cleaned up." Spike told her gently. He led her into the house.

"What happened to your hands, Buffy?" Dawn asked after noticing that they were bloody and torn up.

"Huh?" Buffy looked at her hands not really registering what was gong on. It all seemed surreal. "Oh I---"

"She had to dig herself out of her grave. Didn't you?" Buffy nodded. "My hands looked like that when I crawled out of my grave after being turned." Spike explained as he inspected Buffy's hands. "Bloody fools! They brought you back and didn't even think to bring a damn shovel! They didn't even tell me or the Niblet that they were planning this. What in the bleeding hell were they thinking?" He ushered Buffy upstairs to the bathroom to get her a little more cleaned up.

A few moments later, the door downstairs came bursting open with the Scoobies. Dawn greeted them at the door.

"Dawn! Have you seen Buffy?" Willow asked anxiously.

"Yea, she's upstairs. Wait a minute, you guys knew you were going to bring her back and didn't even tell me?"

"Well, we didn't tell you or Spike in case the spell didn't work. We didn't want to get your hopes up."

"I get it. Even though it was wrong, I understand. Really." As Dawn said this, Buffy and Spike made their way downstairs. Spike led Buffy to the couch to sit down.

"Buffy!" "Are you okay?" "Where have you been?" "How are you feeling?" Willow, Xander, Anya, and Tara all shouted at once. They didn't even notice Buffy shrinking back, but Dawn did and went to stand in front of her as if blocking her from them.

"Everyone, just back off! Can't you see that she's been through enough?" They stopped and took in the fragile slayer on the couch who happened to be inching towards Spike in comfort.

"I'm tired and dirty. I just want a shower and then I'm going to bed." Buffy got up and went up the stairs. Dawn followed her to make sure she would be alright.

"Right. Well I guess I should be going too." Spike said as he headed out the door.

"We'll be going home too. C'mon, Xander. I want my orgasms now." Anya said bluntly. Xander just gave a defeated sigh and got up to leave with her.

Tara looked up the stairs after Buffy as if she sensed something was wrong with the picture, but couldn't figure it out.

"What's the matter, baby?" Willow asked.

"Nothing, I guess I'm just tired. I'm going to bed. Good night." Tara moved to the stairs.

"Ok. I'll be up in a few. I'm just going to check everything down here first." Willow frowned. She thought Buffy would have been happier to be back. Maybe even impressed by her power. _'I expected her to at least show some gratitude for saving her. After all, she was in Hell! You'd think she would be a little more grateful than that.' _Willow mused.

* * *

Outside Spike stood by the tree trying to calm down. As Xander and Anya walked out of the house towards him, he shouted, "What have you idiots done? Why didn't you tell me or at least the Bit?" 

"We didn't know if the spell would work and we didn't want you to get your hopes up. Anyway, what's it to you?" Xander replied defensively.

"Right. I've been patrolling beside all of you these past months. Fighting the good fight. Helping you lot out. Taking care of Dawn. Protecting her because I made a promise to a lady. I would have thought that I'd get at least a little bit more courtesy. I guess I was wrong." Spike ranted.

"Don't act like this isn't the happiest day of your life! She's back." Xander shot back.

"You may be right. I am happy that she's back, but not the way it happened. See that's the thing about magic. There's always consequences." With that Spike jumped on his bike and drove off.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Buffy stood in front of the Hyperion wondering if she should go in or not. She had told her friends that she needed to get away for a few days to get her head straightened out. They hadn't been happy with her idea of going to L.A., but she didn't care. So since she officially started work next week, the past week was only training, she packed a bag and left. She knew that Angel deserved to know that was alive again. It had been a couple of weeks since she was ripped from Heaven and she still wasn't getting any better. Her friends still thought she was in Hell and were patting themselves on their backs for a job well done. Truthfully, she was angry at them, but couldn't take it out on them.

Buffy lost herself in her thoughts. _'How could they even think I was in Hell? It's not like my body disappeared when I jumped into the portal. Obviously, I had died. And what is left when a body dies? The soul! So how can they assume that I would end up in Hell? I was a hero. A champion of the light. I had saved the world many times and that was supposed to be my last time. I was done and ready to receive my reward. My gift. Death. And eventually, peace. Why would I end up in Hell? Really, they were being selfish. They couldn't just let me go and go on with their lives. It's not like there wasn't another slayer who could have done my job. Sure Faith went bad, but she's paying for her crimes and I'm sure Giles could have convinced the Council to pull a few strings. She would be able to do what she should have been doing instead of wasting away in prison. She probably would have been doing her duty if she hadn't even met me. She saw what I had and wanted to compete with me, but was found wanting. It didn't help that no one cared enough to help her until it was too late.' _She wondered if this was what Faith felt when she lost herself to the darkness: cold and empty. Buffy felt herself drifting closer and closer to the dark, almost ready to lose herself there.

Giles came back after Willow called him to tell him that they had resurrected Buffy. He lectured Willow on how dangerous and stupid it was to do the spell, but she refused to feel guilty about it. Buffy couldn't even tell him that she wasn't in Hell. A few days later, she also found out that she was in debt and had to find a job to support her and Dawn, and pay the bills of the house. Apparently, Willow and Tara had moved in when she died to help take care of Dawn, but they hadn't contributed to paying any of the bills. Buffy found herself getting a job at Doublemeat Palace, the only option she had being a newly-resurrected, college dropout slayer with a kid to support.

Nowadays, she just felt empty and every night she went out slaying, she hoped one vamp would be lucky enough to actually kill her, sending her back to her peaceful haven. She knew that everyone was worried about her and just thought that she needed time to adjust because she was in Hell, but she didn't know how to make them understand what she was really feeling. Plus she resented them at the moment, due to the fact that they couldn't leave her in peace and now they just expected her to be the same person she was before she died. She couldn't even be around Dawn because Dawn expected her to take care of her, but how could Buffy take care of Dawn when she could barely do it for herself? The only person who even had an inkling about what was going on with Buffy was Spike. She had unintentionally confided in him about where she really was.

Buffy brought herself back from her pondering and made a decision to walk into the hotel. When she entered she noticed that there wasn't anyone around.

"Hey there." Buffy turned around to face a young woman she had never seen before. "Are you looking for Angel Investigations?"

"Umm... Yea sort of. Is Angel here? Or Cordelia? Wesley?" Buffy asked.

The girl spoke with a light Texas drawl that reminded Buffy of carefree, lazy days when she never had to worry about responsibilities. "No, I'm sorry. Angel left a while back after the news of a death. Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn are out hunting a demon, but if you want to hang out and wait, they should be back soon."

Buffy took in the girl's features. She had long, brown hair with pretty brown eyes, almost hidden behind glasses that seemed to slide down the bridge of her nose. She was taller than Buffy and had a slim built. She was pretty, but in an understated way. She also gave off an air of innocence, but the look in her eyes told Buffy that she had seen more than most. She looked a little out of place in the darkened hotel, almost awkward. This girl looked like she belonged in sunshine and friends, not cooped up in this hotel with a vampire famous for brooding.

"I think I'll do that. By the way, I'm Buffy. Buffy Summers." Buffy introduced herself.

"Winifred Burke. Everyone just calls me Fred." The shy brunette returned.

"So Fred, what's a girl like you doing associating yourself with Mr. Broody-Pants?" Buffy asked.

"Cordelia was kidnapped in a Hell dimension called Pylea and the others went to find her. I had been there for years when I came across Angel. He rescued me from that place and brought me back here. When we got back, I had no where else to go so I just stuck around. I don't really help with the whole life saving thing. I mean I'm good at science and math but not really with people. i don't really fit in here. I think that the others think I'm crazy because I hardly ever come out of my room when they are around, especially since Angel left." Fred babbled.

_'Hey, she babbles like Willow. She kind of reminds me how Willow used to be when we first met. Smart, shy, and innocent. Before she got into fighting demons._' Buffy found this girl slightly amusing. It kind of surprised her because lately, she hadn't been able to feel any type of real emotion except anger. '_Now Willow has come into her own and is more powerful than I ever thought. I'm living _proof.' Buffy thought bitterly.

"So you were in a Hell dimension? I've been in one too, but it wasn't for very long." Buffy stated.

"What was it like? When did it happen? Why were you there? How did you get out?"

Fred noticed Buffy giving her a slight grin and said, "Sorry, I don't usually talk this much these days."

"Don't worry about it. You're the first person to talk to me like a normal person. Everyone else treats me like they're walking on eggshells. To answer you questions, it was when I was 17. I had gotten kicked out of my home. I had to leave to do something important. My mom told me that if I walked out of the door, then I couldn't come back. So after I did what I had to do, I packed up and left for L.A. Some time later, I met up with a girl I knew back in Sunnydale and she asked for my help. Her boyfriend went missing. We found him, but he was much older than he had been the day before. We ended up stumbling into a Hell dimension where humans were slaves to demons. I ended up fighting back and leading a group out of there. After that, I made the decision to go back home. Eventually, my mother and I worked things out. She died a while ago. I miss her." Buffy winced. "Anyway, I'm sorry that Angel left. I'm the reason he did."

"How are you the reason? I thought his friend died." A look of horror crossed Fred's face. "Wait, you're not evil are you? Cause I don't really want to run and hide from you. I don't think I can fight you either."

Buffy laughed at more of Fred's babbling. "Don't worry. I'm not evil. I'm the friend who died."

"What! How is it possible that I'm talking to you if you died?" Fred asked incredulously.

"I got better." Buffy quipped.

This got Fred to smile even though she was still nervous around the blonde. Buffy returned her own smile, the first genuine one in a long time.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

A couple of hours later, Buffy found herself in Fred's room eating tacos. She and Fred had talked about their lives and what they've been like for the past few years. Buffy found Fred refreshing and easy to talk to. Fred didn't expect anything out of her and for the first time since she dug herself out of her grave, Buffy felt something. She told Fred about her life as a slayer from when she was called until the point of her death. She also told Fred about how she was in Heaven and how she felt after being ripped out. Buffy confessed how hard it was for her to go on living and how she still had nightmares from digging herself out of her own grave.

Fred couldn't believe the things that Buffy had been through. It made her years in Pylea seem like a vacation. She was also mad for Buffy because her friends did a lot of this to her. Fred, in turn, told Buffy about her life before Pylea, during Pylea, and also her life after her rescue. She also confessed to having nightmares of the place. She told Buffy that she had almost lost hope of ever returning back home and the only thing that kept her going was her theory on portals. If it wasn't for Angel, she would have still been in her cave hiding from everyone. Throughout the conversation, Buffy found out that Angel received the news of her death the same day they had gotten back from Pylea.

* * *

It was a little later when they heard Cordelia complaining. "Just once, I would like the demons that my visions tell us to go after to be the kind that don't slime after we kill them. Ugh, I don't think I will ever get this mess out." The seer bitched looking at her shirt that had a purple goo on it. "I'm going to take a quick shower." Then the seer walked away.

Buffy laughed to herself. _'Now she knows what I've been feeling like for the past five years. All of those times she ridiculed me for my horrible wardrobe is coming back to her. Oh, the irony!' _They hid at the top of the stairs and watched the others. Neither of them were quite ready to face anyone just yet.

Buffy and Fred watched as Wesley and a bald, muscular, black man whom Buffy didn't know cleaned the weapons. When Cordelia reappeared, the black man asked, "What are we gonna get for dinner? I'm starving."

"I don't know. How about Chinese? We could do take out?" Wesley suggested. Buffy noticed how he looked much more relaxed than he had been in Sunnydale. He seemed to have grown up nicely.

"Sounds good to me." Cordelia said.

"Should we see if Fred wants to join us?" Wesley asked.

Cordelia snorted. "Are you sure you can get her out of her room? She hasn't been out much since Angel left." Then she sighed. "I guess it would be the polite thing to do. We wouldn't want her to starve."

Both Buffy and Fred were surprised, but for different reasons. Fred didn't expect them to even remember she was there. Buffy would have thought Cordelia would have been more sarcastic. They looked at each other as if asking if they were ready to face everyone. Then they headed down the stairs holding on to each other's hands like a lifeline.

Everyone looked up towards the stairs as they heard footsteps drawing closer. Two out of the three were in shock when they saw who was walking down the stairs.

"Buffy?" Cordelia asked dazedly. She noticed how thin the blonde slayer looked, and how pale she had become. She also saw that Buffy had bags under her eyes like she hadn't been sleeping well.

"I thought you were dead?" Wesley said questioningly.

"Apparently, it didn't take. I'm hoping for third time's the charm." Buffy snarked. "Hi Cordy. Wes." Then she turned to the black man and said, "Hi. I'm Buffy. Nice to meet you."

"Gunn. Likewise. So you're a slayer?" Gunn asked.

"Yep."

"Huh. I was expecting someone bigger." Gunn said as he took in her petite, slim figure. Buffy arched her brow. Gunn flushed. "It's just from the way everyone talks about you. I was expecting some amazon woman."

"No worries. I get that a lot. Don't you know the best things come in small packages?" Buffy teased.

"How are you alive? What are you doing here? You look like crap." Cordelia asked bluntly. She finally managed to find her voice.

"Thanks Cordy. It's my new resurrected look. I'm hoping it will start a trend. Willow did a spell. My friends thought I was stuck in Hell, and they decided to save me." Buffy answered derisively.

Cordelia flushed at Buffy's blunt words. "Sorry. It's like a reflex."

"When did this all happen?" Wesley asked. Trying to steer away from a potential argument, though the watcher in him was curious.

"A couple of weeks ago I woke up inside of my coffin and had to dig myself out of there. The town was overrun with demons and interrupted the spell. They thought it didn't work so they left me there. They didn't even bring a shovel to dig me out before starting the spell." Buffy said bitterly.

"Okay, just one question. Were you really in Hell?" Cordelia asked. Buffy's eyes narrowed.

"What gave it away?" Buffy wondered.

"It's just that I remember what you and Angel said he was like when he returned from Hell. He was almost an animal and when he recovered, he was happy to be back. You seem to be well recovered for someone who spent all that time in Hell. Plus, no offense, but you just don't strike me as being a ray of sunshine so I can only assume that you weren't in Hell. Oh, and if you were in Hell, why would there have been a body to bury?" Cordelia stated. "You were in heaven, weren't you?"

"You're right. At least that's where I think I was. All I felt was warmth and love, and I knew that everyone I cared about would be okay. I was done and finally at peace. How is it that you knew right away that I wasn't in Hell, but my own friends couldn't even check to make sure before they brought me back?" Buffy asked.

"Well it's simple really. I'm not an idiot. Plus seer for the PTB's. I would think that that's where you would have gone when you died. How could they even think that you were in Hell? You died saving the world. If that doesn't get you a pass into heaven, then what chance does that leave for the rest of us? They are such morons." Cordelia ranted. Sure, she had never gotten along with Buffy, but even she knew that it was cruel for the Scoobies to do what they did. _'Some friends they are. They couldn't even make sure they were doing the right thing. They've never thought about anyone, but themselves.' _Cordelia thought resentfully. She remembered how she never felt like she was really a part of their team. Everything was always about what Buffy was doing. Willow and Xander were always possessive with Buffy's friendship, not wanting to let anyone into their precious Scoobies. She wondered if Buffy had felt suffocated by them. Since working with Angel, Cordy had matured somewhat. Once she would have loved to see Buffy Summers down, but now all she could do was be outraged for Buffy. Buffy deserved to be at peace since she had done so much for the world.

Buffy was surprised that Cordy would even be angry on her _behalf. 'I guess not everyone is still the same as they were in high school.'_ "Yea, well they thought they were saving me. The only other one who knows besides you guys is Spike."

"Spike? Why does he know?" Wesley asked.

"I accidentally let it slip. I can't tell my friends and he was just there." Buffy told him. Then she explained the events of Glory and the Key, up until now. She also mentioned how Spike had been helping and how he was in love with her and how he took care of Dawn while she was dead because he promised her. Then she explained about her troubles with living and how she needed to support Dawn because she came back to a mountain of debt.

"Damn, that's rough. I know what it's like to have to take care of everyone. Before the vamps turned her, I took care of my sister Alonna and my crew. We fought vamps before I joined up with Angel." Gunn sympathized.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Buffy knew what it was like.

"Thanks. It was a while ago. It still hurts, but I've moved on." Gunn said.

"I can't believe they had the gall to expect you to act like nothing had happened!" Wesley cried out.

"Yea, you and me both. Anyway, I came here to get away from them. I figured Angel should know that I was alive again, but I really just wanted to be without the constant suffocation of Scoobies. I know Angel isn't here, but can I just hang out for a few days?" Buffy asked.

"We don't know when the Brood King will be back, but he'll be happy when he finds out you're alive. I've never seen him in so much pain when Willow broke the news. But anyway, you could stay. I'm sure Angel wouldn't mind. If I were you, I wouldn't want to go back yet either. You don't have to feel obligated or anything, but if you get bored, we could use the help." Cordy mentioned.

"Thanks. I'll think about it. I really just want time to straighten out my head. I know that I need to get my life together because I have a kid to support, bills to pay, and a world to save, but I'm still having a hard time dealing. I came here thinking that Angel would be able to help, but talking to Fred helped me some." Buffy smiled at Fred who blushed at the compliment. _'She's cute when she blushes. Hey, I'm actually feeling something other than emptiness.' _Buffy rambled to herself. Cordy finally snapped her out of it.

"No problem. Just pick any of the rooms upstairs. Besides Angel and Fred, no one else uses the rooms. We all live elsewhere. We only sleep here if we've been working all night." Cordy explained.

"Thanks." Buffy said gratefully.

"Okay, enough depressing talk. Let's go get something to eat." Cordy stated. They all got up and went to get some food.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

The next day Buffy went downstairs in her workout clothes to the basement to train. She wanted to do some meditation to help center herself again. Maybe even do some Tai Chi. This was how Fred found her later. Fred had come down the stairs looking for Buffy, but found her doing some sort of martial arts sequence. The blonde slayer did a series of moves that Fred found to be captivating and she didn't want to interrupt, so she watched. She saw how graceful Buffy looked when she moved and compared it to a dance of some sort. Fred also noticed how peaceful Buffy looked and found herself wishing she could join her.

Fred was so intrigued with Buffy's movements that she didn't even notice that Cordy, Wes, and Gunn had joined her in watching the slayer.

"Damn, she's awesome." Gunn whispered.

"She's much better than I remembered. She must have improved a lot before she fought Glory." Wes said quietly.

"I know what you mean. I've seen Angel do these moves before, but Buffy looks more graceful than he does. I wonder if she would consider training with me while she's here, picking up where Angel left off?" Cordy pondered.

"She's beautiful." Fred said in awe. Cordy narrowed her eyes at that. She wondered if there was more to that statement.

Buffy knew that she had an audience, having felt when Fred walked in and then the others, but their presence didn't bother her. She managed to finish her last set of Tai Chi, feeling much more centered than she had felt since before her death. She walked over to the others and greeted them. "Hey guys? What's up?"

"Girl, you were impressive." Gunn complimented. "I've never seen anyone move like that before."

"Yes, very good. Where did you learn that?" Wes asked.

"Angel taught me when he came back from Hell. It was when he was finally getting back to himself. He used it to keep himself balanced. I saw him doing it and asked him to teach me." Buffy explained.

"I knew it looked familiar. Angel has been teaching me some stuff, but he doesn't look as graceful as you do. Would you consider training me a little while you are here?" At Buffy's weird look, she explained, "I actually want to be able to fight the demons these days instead of running away like before."

Buffy nodded. "Sure. How about you meet me here tomorrow morning around this time and we'll do this together?"

"Thanks. Sounds good."

"You were so fluid in your movements. It was stunning. I couldn't stop watching." Fred blurted out. She turned red at her ramblings.

Buffy grinned at the cute brunette's babbling. She found it to be adorable. Cordy noticed Buffy's face brighten up at Fred and speculated to herself. _'I wonder if there's a mutual attraction going on? Do they even realize it? And when did Buffy start liking girls? Well, I always wondered about Faith, but then she turned evil.'_

"Thanks Fred. I'm starving. You guys wanna go get some breakfast?" Buffy offered.

Oh I ate before I got here, but you guys go ahead." Cordy said. She went back up to the lobby.

Both Gunn and Wesley mentioned that they ate too, before following Cordy upstairs. That just left Buffy and Fred.

"Fred? Wanna go get some food?" Buffy asked.

"Sure. I was going to ask you earlier, but you were busy. Then I saw how peaceful you looked and so graceful. I decided to wait instead. You looked beautiful. It was like a dance." Fred blushed some more as she babbled.

Buffy took pity on her. "A dance huh? Funny you should mention that. Spike always referred to fighting as a dance. I think he might be right. It might be a violent one, but a dance all the same. Let me get changed and then we can get some food."

"Okay. I'll wait in the lobby for you." Then they headed up the stairs.

* * *

Over the next few days, Buffy got to know more of the Fang Gang (As she called them in her head). She used a lot of her time hanging out with them, checking out all of the things she used to love when she lived there. Most of the time was with Fred since she was the only one that didn't officially work there. Fred liked to hang out with Buffy, the scientist in her found Buffy's abilities and life fascinating. Buffy found Fred's innocence endearing and it produced feelings of caring in her that she didn't think she had anymore. She also let Fred explain to her about the theories she came up with, actually taking an interest because she didn't want to hurt Fred's feelings.

While most of her time was with Fred, Buffy also hung out with the others. She and Cordy managed to find a friendship that wouldn't suffer the woes of high school drama or Scooby criticism. Buffy taught both Fred and Cordy an easy set of Tai Chi and they went through the routine every morning. Plus she picked up on working with Cordy on swordsmanship where Angel left off. Buffy was surprised at how well Cordy picked up sword work. She also showed Fred and Cordy a few moves of hand-to-hand self defense in case they should need it. Buffy sparred with both Wes and Gunn to help keep her in shape, as well as give them a few pointers on how to improve. They both impressed her with their fighting. Gunn because of his honed version of street fighting, and Wesley because of his vast improvement from Sunnydale. On a couple of the nights, Buffy would help them with demons, but mostly patrolled on separately, with Fred for company. It was good way to help her learn to defend herself. They mostly came across newbie vamps. Then later, everyone would go out for dinner just for the pleasure of company.

Buffy knew that coming to L.A. was the right thing to do. She knew she was way off of ever being back to how she used to be, but she felt better than she had in the last year. She still suffered from nightmares, but found that talking to Fred about them made her feel better. Fred had given Buffy a new reason to get better. She knew how much the quirky brunette had been through in the last five years and saw that she still managed to see the bright side of things. This gave Buffy hope that one day she would be healed and manage to find life worth living. Buffy also realized that she would be leaving for Sunnydale soon and found herself disappointed. She knew she had responsibilities, but she didn't like thought of leaving the Fang Gang, especially Fred. They didn't expect anything out of her and she liked things that way.


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics used in this chapter either.**

**Note: I thought the song seemed appropriate, plus I liked it.**

**Chapter 4**

One of the nights while Buffy was in L.A., the Fang Gang took her to Caritas. They explained that they knew the owner and that he could read auras when people sang. They also mentioned that it was a demon bar, but you couldn't fight in there because it had an anti-violence spell casted in there. When Buffy met the Host of the bar, she was surprised to see a green man with red horns in a bright suit.

"Hello, everyone!" The Host greeted them. He saw two of the newcomers that he didn't recognize. "Well, who are these two angels?" He asked.

"This is Fred." Cordy said pointing to the brunette.

"Well, aren't you just the cutest thing! I'm Lorne" He kissed her hand. Fred blushed.

"Thank you. Nice to meet you, Lorne." Fred said with her light drawl.

"Oh, you're so sweet. And who might this gorgeous thing be?" Lorne asked looking at the blonde.

"This is Buffy." Lorne's eyes widened.

"Buffy? You mean Angelcake's love? The Slayer?" He asked.

"Yep. The same one." Cordy said dryly.

"Oh, I don't know how Angel let you get away. You're too beautiful! Wait, you have to sing for me!" Lorne gushed.

"Umm. Okay." Buffy didn't know how to react. "Are you sure? What if I'm horrible?"

"Don't worry. I'm sure you aren't the worst. As long as you don't have a penchant for Barry Manilow, you'll be fine." Lorne assured her. Wes, Cordy, and Gunn burst out laughing.

"Am I missing something?" Buffy asked.

"Angel sang Manilow. He was horrible." Cordy managed to spit out.

"Yes, singing is not one of Angel's good points." Wes chimed in.

"Really? I can't picture Angel singing anything." Buffy mused.

"Trust me gumdrop, you don't want to. It wasn't a pretty sight. Now, you'll sing for me?" Lorne pushed.

"I guess." Buffy said hesitantly.

"Perfect. I'll put you on next." Lorne walked away before Buffy could object.

"What! I don't want to go next!" Buffy looked to the other only to see huge grins on their faces. "Guys?"

"Oh c'mon Buffy, we all had to do it too, except for Fred. It'll be over before you know it." Cordy wheedled.

"Okay, but I warned you. Don't bite my head off if I'm horrible." Buffy pouted.

"Stop pouting, you big baby!" Cordy responded. "Suck it up like the big, bad slayer you are, and get out there.

"Fine! But I need a few shots of liquid courage first." Buffy stomped away to the bar. She told the bartender to give her three shots of tequila, which she downed with ease. Then she walked to the stage, picked a song, and began to sing:

_Alone in this house again tonight_

_I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine_

_There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me_

_The way that it was and could have been surrounds me_

_I'll never get over you walkin' away_

_(Chorus:)_

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show_

_And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control_

_But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain_

_To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain_

_From my eyes_

_Tonight I wanna cry_

Buffy's smooth voice floated through the bar and captivated everyone. Lorne had tears in his eyes as he listened.

_Would it help if I turned a sad song on_

_"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone_

_Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters_

_It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better_

_But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way_

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show_

_And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control_

_But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain_

_To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain_

_From my eyes_

_Tonight I wanna cry_

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show_

_And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control_

_But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain_

_To hell with this pride, let it fall like rain_

_From my eyes_

_Tonight I wanna cry_

_Keith Urban_

When Buffy finished, she noticed the shocked looks on her friends' faces. She stepped down to join them. "What?" She asked them when she reached them.

"Oh they're just in shock because you were amazing." Fred beamed.

"Yes, well that was unexpected." Wes said as he recovered from shock. "You were great up there." Cordy and Gunn nodded their agreement.

"Thanks." Buffy said shyly.

Lorne walked to Buffy and cried out, "Sweets, you were fantastic. Can I speak to you privately?" Buffy agreed. "Let's go into my office and talk." He led Buffy into the back.

"Alright, what's the what?" Buffy asked.

"You're aura was beautiful, but you are in so much pain. I could tell that your life has been full of sacrifices, and that you still have a long way to go, but if you trust in yourself and your instincts, you will be okay. I know that you want to go back, but you can't. Not for a long time. You have a great future ahead and until you've done everything you need to do, the Powers won't release you."

"Great. So I won't have any peace?" Buffy muttered.

"I didn't say that. I said that you are still meant to do things. That is why you were allowed to leave there in the first place. It wasn't your time yet. There are those who will help along the way. Trust them to help you."

"Like who? My friends in Sunnydale?" Buffy asked bitterly.

"Do you really feel that they can help you?" Lorne probed.

"Right now? No. If ever? I can't tell you." Buffy said honestly.

"Who makes you feel better just to be around them?" Lorne questioned gently.

"Well all of Angel's crew are great, but Fred helps me the most." Buffy responded.

Lorne smiled. "There's your answer, gumdrop."

"Wait, what does that mean?" Buffy wondered.

"Just listen to your heart and you will be fine. There's a long road ahead of you, but you're strong and you will make it. You'll find life worth living one day. You just need to have faith." Lorne explained.

"You know you don't have to leave yet." Cordy told Buffy. She had gone to Buffy in her room that she claimed at the hotel. She actually didn't want Buffy to leave, finding their new friendship something that she didn't want to end. Sure she was friends with Gunn, Angel, and, Wesley, but having another girl, who had similar interests, around was comforting.

"Yes, I do. I start work on Monday. Plus I have to get back to Dawn. I don't want to leave, but I have responsibilities that I need to get back to. In fact, I'm leaving in a couple hours. Thanks for everything you guys have done. I appreciate it." Buffy responded. She began to pack up her things.

"Okay, I tried. You're welcome. You helped us out too. Does Fred know that you're leaving soon?" Cordy asked. She knew that the two had gotten close. It was weird because before Buffy showed up, the only one who could get Fred to talk was Angel, and now, Buffy had brought Fred out of her shell. The L.A. crew had found out that Fred was actually interesting and pleasant to be around, and she had a infectious personality. She was just so sweet that you couldn't help but like her.

"No, but I was planning on telling her right after we finished talking." Buffy sighed. She knew that it would be hard for the both of them.

"You don't have to tell her. She already knows." A voice said from the doorway. Buffy and Cordy turned to see Fred. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Her voice quivering.

"I-I didn't know how. We all knew that I couldn't stay forever." Buffy said gently.

"I know, but you just got here and now it feels like your leaving forever. I don't want you to go." Fred said as tears began to fall.

Buffy's heart began to break at the sight. She didn't want to leave Fred either, but she had responsibilities. She also knew that she felt more than just friendship for the pretty brunette. Fred brought out feelings in her that she didn't know how to acknowledge. _'When did I start thinking about Fred like that?' _

Cordy just kept silent and observed the two before her. She could see Buffy's resolve breaking. _'Yep, they're in love, but don't know it yet. I hope they work out. They're cute together.'_

"I don't want to go, but I can't stay any longer. I have to start work and take care of Dawn. She needs me." Buffy stated softly.

"Then can I go with you?" Buffy frowned. Fred continued on, "I could get a job at there and help you pay the bills. And I could help you patrol. Please, can I come with you?" Fred begged.

"Are you sure you wanna do that? Sunnydale is very dangerous and it isn't exactly the best place to live. I don't want you to get hurt. Plus my life is a mess right now. Do you really want to deal with that?" _'What am I thinking? She would be safer here with Angel.' _Buffy knew shouldn't let Fred come, but found herself unable to say no.

"Please! There isn't much for me here, and I would be able to help you. I'm good at building things. I bet I could help you make better weapons. And I feel safe with you and not as lonely. I want to go with you." Fred said firmly.

"Alright. If you're sure, go pack your stuff." Buffy said resigned. "I gotta call Dawn and tell her we have another roomie."

"Ok. I'll be quick. I don't have a lot." Fred said brightly as she ran to pack.

Cordelia, who hadn't said a word during the whole exchange, asked, "Are you sure that is a good idea?"

"Remember when I had to fight the Master and I freaked?" Cordy nodded. "The only reason I went down there was because of Willow. She used to be so shy and innocent. I couldn't live with myself if I let anything happen to her because I was a coward. So I went. My friends always gave me something to live for when fighting up until I died. I was done and ready to die. Sure I wanted to save Dawn and the world, but I was relieved when I knew I had to jump. My mother had just died, Riley left me, Glory was looking for the Key, which happened to be my sister whom was made out of me. Everything was crashing down on me and I couldn't handle it anymore. I just wanted it to end. Jumping was my way out, but even that didn't last long. When I was brought back, everything hurt. Then I became numb and felt empty. The only real feeling I had was anger and it was at my friends because they were the ones that did this to me. I just wanted to die again, to go back. My friends, who have been my reasons for living, became my reasons for wanting to die again. I can't even look at them and not get angry. Fred reminds me of Willow when we first met. She has given me a new reason, a new hope that living is worth it. I've been feeling much better since my resurrection, which is due to all of you, but mostly Fred. Also, I have feelings for her that I can't let myself ignore. This is why I'm willing to take her with me."

"What about Angel? You know when he gets back, he'll want to see you. I thought you guys had that forever love? Plus he feels responsible for Fred too." Cordy asked.

"Fred is a big girl. She has the right to decide for herself. One thing I've always hated was Angel's need to decide for everyone. He left me because he decided it was the right thing to do. The last time I was in L.A., he told me it was his town and to stay out of it even though it was my town first. Did he forget that I'm from L.A.? He doesn't know, but I even remember when he turned human and how we had that perfect day. The thing is, he couldn't handle me being stronger than him so he took back the day and I can't forgive him for that. I still love Angel, but I'm not in love with him anymore. We can't be together so I moved on. My love for him was that of a teenager. We've both changed. I'm not a little girl who needs to be protected. He wants what's best for me, but only on his terms. He told me that I should have a normal life, but I will never have that. He doesn't get it and never will. He deserves to know that I'm alive, but we will never be anything more. More importantly, I don't want it anymore." Buffy explained.

"Well I guess that answers my question. I hope everything works out. Don't be strangers. Come visit now and then." Cordy said.

"I'll try, but the same can be said for you too."

"Maybe, but honestly, I'm not really looking to see Willow or Xander. Plus L.A. is cooler. No, you should come here." Cordy grinned cheekily. Buffy smiled.

"Okay. You win. Now I gotta call Dawn."

"You can use the one in Angel's office."

"Thanks." Cordy and Buffy headed downstairs to the office.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Dawn?" Buffy asked.

"Yea. Buffy?" Dawn asked. "Are you okay? When are you coming home?"

"Yes, it's me. I'm fine. I'll be home tonight. I just called to let you know that I'm bringing someone home with me."

"Who? Do I know them?"

"No, you don't know her. Her name's Winifred, but Fred for short. I just met her when I arrived in L.A. She was staying with Angel."

"Why are you bringing her home?"

"Angel rescued her and she didn't have anyone here, so she asked if she could come with me. I said yes since we hit it off. You'll like her. She's smart and funny, but shy and really sweet."

"Okay, whatever. Where is she going to sleep?"

"Umm. The guest room. Could you make it up for her?"

"I guess so." Dawn said sullenly. She missed Buffy.

"It's settled then. Let the others know I'm bringing Fred. I gotta go. See you tonight. Bye!" Buffy hung up the phone and walked out of the office.

After Buffy grabbed her things from upstairs, she told everyone her goodbyes and thanked them for their hospitality. Then her and Fred left the hotel.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Buffy sat in silence in the car ride back to Sunnydale. She looked over to Fred only to see that she was asleep with her head against the window. Buffy found herself examining Fred's features more carefully. Fred had a delicate bone structure, which made her look fragile, but Buffy knew better. Buffy took in Fred's long brown hair and long lashes. Her glasses sliding along her nose. Her soft pouty lips that Buffy could imagine kissing. She took in Fred's small, but perky breast as her chest rose and fell while she breathed in and out. Buffy thought she looked so innocent, but beautiful. She watched as Fred stirred awake.

"Hey sweetie, you're awake. Did you have a nice nap?" Buffy asked.

"Uh, yea. Sorry about that." Fred said nervously. A faint blush appeared at the thought of Buffy seeing her sleep. "I didn't snore or anything, did I?"

"No, you were fine. We're almost there. Just another ten minutes or so." Buffy stated.

"Okay. Do you think your friends will like me?" Fred questioned.

"Why wouldn't they? You're smart, cute, funny when you aren't being shy, and sweet. I can't imagine why they wouldn't like you." Buffy soothed her. "Besides, I don't care what they think. All that matters is that I want you here with me." Fred's face turned pink at Buffy's words. "Do you want to do a quick patrol before going to the house?" Fred nodded. It was strange, but it would help her relax.

They stopped at Restfield Cemetery and got out of the car. Buffy armed herself with a stake and a long knife. She handed Fred a cross, holy water, and a stake. Then she noticed Fred grab some sort of homemade crossbow. "What's that you've got there?" She asked as they walked through the cemetery.

"Oh I made this before we left. I just took bits and pieces around the hotel and put them together. Then I made some wooden arrows for ammo. It was pretty simple once I found everything I needed to put it together. I figured this was a good time to test it out." Fred babbled. Buffy grinned.

"Very cool. What else can you make?" Buffy wondered.

"Oh, it depends on what I can find to put together. I'm sure I could make a weapon out of anything. It's just a matter of figuring out how to use the items at hand."

"Nice." Buffy looked ahead and saw a couple of vamps headed their way. "Now is a perfect time to test out your toy." Fred shot her weapon and the arrow sunk home in one of the vamp's chest. He turned to dust. "Good work!" Buffy said proudly. Fred's face showed a big smile.

"Thanks." Fred returned.

The second vamp saw his partner dusted and decided not to tempt fate. He ran. "Oh no you don't." Buffy ran after him with Fred in tow. When Buffy caught up with him, she tackled the vamp and staked him quickly.

Fred and Buffy walked around some more, dusting several vamps before going back to the house.

* * *

When they got back to the house, Buffy noticed the lights were on. "Great. They're still awake." She muttered. They got of the car and Buffy grabbed the bags, then they walked up to the door. Buffy entered the house to see everyone sitting in her living room watching a movie, even Spike. Fred also noticed the people in the room and saw an older man, two blonde girls, a brunette girl, a red-headed girl, a brunette guy, and another man with platinum hair sitting down.

"Buffy, you're home!" The brunette girl ran up to hug her sister. "I missed you!"

"Oomph. Dawnie, breathing would be of the good right now." Buffy voice was strangled.

"Sorry." Dawn said sheepishly before giving her sister one more quick hug.

"Hello luv. How was you trip?" Spike greeted her.

"It was good. It helped me a lot. Thanks for asking." Buffy responded.

"Yea, I bet Dead Boy helped a lot." Xander sneered.

Buffy didn't care for Xander's tone and snapped back, "Actually, Angel wasn't even there. He left to for somewhere to mourn my death." Xander winced at Buffy's harsh tone.

"So where did you stay, if Angel wasn't there?" Willow asked.

"At the Hyperion. I just hung out with everyone there." Buffy said flatly. "In fact, that's where I met Fred." Buffy gestured to the person behind her. Everyone finally noticed the shy brunette that attempted to appear invisible. "Fred, this is Willow, Xander, Giles, Tara, Anya, Dawn, and Spike. Everyone, meet Fred. She's going to be staying here from now on."

"Nice to meet you, my dear." Giles greeted her cordially.

"Thank you. Likewise." Fred returned. She was greeted by everyone one by one.

"Pleasure to meet you, ducks." Spike said charmingly.

"Hey." Dawn greeted.

"Hey, Fred. It's nice to meet a new pretty face." Xander said flirtatiously. Fred blushed.

"Hi. You can't have Xander. He's mine." Anya said bluntly.

"Umm, don't worry I'm not interested in him." Fred said apprehensively.

"Why not? Don't you think he's good looking? He gives great orgasms." Anya wanted to know.

"I-I---" Fred was at a lost for words as she looked to Buffy for help. Buffy gave her a reassuring grin and squeezed her hand.

"Anya, leave the poor girl alone. Hey there, I'm Willow." The red-head saved Fred from having to answer Anya's questioning.

"N-Nice t-to meet you. I-I'm Tara." Fred liked her immediately. She just had a sense of tranquility that calmed Fred's nerves.

"So Fred, what were you doing at Dead Boy's? And what brings you here?" Xander asked. Even though she seemed nice, he didn't trust anyone that had been hanging around Angel.

Fred frowned at Xander's nickname for her savior. "He saved me from a place called Pylea. I didn't have anywhere to go so I stayed there. When Buffy showed up, we hit it off and I asked if I could come back with her. She agreed."

"Pylea? You were stuck in Pylea?" Anya asked.

"Yea. You've heard of it?" Fred wanted to know.

"Of course. I used to be a 1200 year old demon. I've been there a couple of times. It's not very pleasant, especially for humans. How did you end up there and for how long?"

"I came across this book and read what was in it aloud, a portal sucked me in, and the next thing I know is I'm a cow in Pylea."

"A cow?" Willow inquired.

"Yea, that's what they call the humans. They treat them like animals, slaves. It was horrible. I was there for five years before Angel rescued me. He came there looking to rescue Cordy. They had made her a princess and she was supposed to be sacrificed for something, but he stumbled upon me along the way. I'll never be more grateful to him than I already am." Fred rambled on nervously. Buffy sensed this and rubbed her back soothingly. Fred calmed down at her touch. Both Dawn and Spike narrowed their eyes when they noticed this.

"Well, that sounds horrible. I'm sure you two are tired, so the rest of us who don't live here should get going. Maybe when you're up to it, you can tell me about the portal and Pylea. I'm curious to know what it was like." Giles stated.

"Sure. I even had some theories on portals that I came up with while I was stuck there." Fred informed him.

"Really? That's fascinating. You must tell me these things later." Giles said.

"You should show him your toy that you made. It was great." Buffy told Fred. Then she turned to Giles and said, "You should have seen it. We did a quick patrol before we came home and Fred tested out this weapon she made. It worked like a charm. She's pretty talented." Fred blushed at Buffy's compliment.

"Hmm. Interesting. Fred, we'll talk later. Well, I'll be going now. Good night everyone." Then Giles walked out the door.

"I should be going too. I'll do another quick patrol while I'm am at it." Spike mentioned. "Good to have you back, luv. Nice meeting you Fred. G'night everyone." Spike said as he walked out the door.

"We should be going too." Xander said as he pulled Anya with him out the door. "Bye ladies!"

"Buffy, the guest room is ready. Are you going to show her or should I?" Dawn asked.

"I'll do it. You can head to bed already." Buffy answered. "C'mon Fred. I'll give you a little tour and show you to your new room." Then she led Fred upstairs with their bags.

"This is my room." Buffy pointed at the first door. Then she pointed at the next door. "Willow and Tara sleep here. Dawn's room is at the one on the end. The bathroom is straight down the hall, and your room is across from Dawn's." Buffy dropped her stuff off in her room before taking Fred to her room. "Let me know if you need anything. I'll let you get ready for bed. Do you want to run through some Tai Chi tomorrow morning?" She asked Fred.

"Yes. That sound great." Fred replied.

"Ok. Good night."

"Good night, Buffy." Then Buffy left for bed.

* * *

The next morning Dawn came downstairs to see Buffy and Fred doing Tai Chi in the yard. Dawn could tell that Fred was new to this because she was a little more hesitant in her movements, but she was still pretty good. She managed to keep in time with Buffy. Her sister was a sight to see though. Dawn had never seen her sister look so peaceful. She even had a slight smile as she moved like she was happy. Dawn had a feeling that it was because of Fred. She noticed how Buffy seemed concerned for Fred, but was sort of distant towards the Scoobies.

Then she heard footsteps coming down the stairs."Morning, Dawnie." Dawn turned to see Willow and Tara. "What are you looking at?" Tara asked.

"Fred and Buffy in the yard. See for yourselves." Dawn gestured towards the window.

Willow and Tara looked to see the blonde slayer and the shy brunette finishing up their set. Then Fred sat down and watched as Buffy went into a more extensive, advanced set. They had never seen something more beautiful or graceful than that. "Wow." Tara said. "It's like poetry in motion."

"I know. I haven't seen her look so serene in a long time. She also seems happier. When she came back, it was almost like she didn't care about anything anymore. Look at her now, she's smiling." Dawn mentioned.

They turned to see Buffy smiling at something Fred said. "I didn't even know she could do that stuff. What is it?" Willow asked.

"Tai Chi. Angel taught her it after he returned from Hell." Dawn answered.

Willow felt a little burst of jealousy go through her. _'I'm her best friend and I didn't even know she knew Tai Chi. She's never offered to teach me or Xander that. Why didn't I know this? How could she show a stranger, but not her best friends? She hasn't even thanked me for saving her. Now she's all buddy-buddy with Fred! Last night, she went on and on about Fred's little weapon, but she's never once mentioned how great my spells are.'_

Fred watched as Buffy did her more advanced set of Tai Chi. It was beautiful and captivating. _'She looks spectacular in the sun. Like an angel warrior.'_ Fred watched as Buffy's body moved with grace and precision. Buffy was starting to look a little better than when she first showed up at the Hyperion. When Buffy finished, she saw Fred smiling at her. "Buffy, that was great. Do you think I will be able to learn that one day? Can you teach me? I loved it. You were so graceful. Okay, I'll shut up now." Fred blushed at her babbling. Buffy just had a huge grin on her face.

"Of course, I can teach you, but why don't we work on your set for now, until you know it perfectly. Then I will show you another slight more advanced set." She told Fred. "C'mon lets go inside to eat."

Fred and Buffy entered the kitchen to see Willow and Dawn sitting down while Tara was cooking breakfast. "Good morning, Buffy, Fred. I'm making funny-shaped pancakes at Dawn's request. Do you guys want some?" Tara asked.

"Sounds great. Fred?" Buffy inquired.

"If it's not too much of an inconvenience, sure. Thank you." Fred said hesitantly. Buffy squeezed her arm in reassurance.

Tara saw Fred's uncertainty and smiled to ease her tension. "It's no problem." Willow noticed the interactions between Buffy and Fred, and Tara and Fred. _'Great. Not only is she stealing my best friend, but she's stealing my girlfriend too.'_

After breakfast, Xander came over to take Dawn to her friend's house. Everyone else went to the Magic Box. Buffy planned on training more with Fred on her self defense, then Fred could have her discussion with Giles. Willow wanted to look up spells, and Tara was going to help Anya work the register.

Giles found he was impressed with Fred's theories and her description of Pylea. He was amazed with her ingenuity because she managed to survive in a strange place on her own for so long. When she showed him her weapon that she built, he intrigued. She showed him how it worked and he tested it out himself to see how well it worked. He liked Fred's intelligence and enthusiasm for all things. He told her about all different sorts of weapons he trained Buffy with and she was genuinely interested. She even questioned him on his texts which thrilled him because this time his knowledge wouldn't go to waste. He quickly saw what made Buffy think she was special. Even Tara and Anya had taken a liking to the earnest brunette. Fred just had a certain quality to her that made her likable. Willow for the most part ignored what was going on, focusing on reading her magic books.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Sometime during that night, Buffy awoke to sounds of whimpering with her enhanced hearing. She got out of bed to see who it was and found the sounds coming from Fred's room. She went inside to see Fred tossing and turning in her bed, muttering incoherently. "No no no." "Stop!" Fred cried out.

Buffy couldn't take it anymore and gathered up Fred in her arms. She quietly offered her words of comfort, trying to make her feel safe. "Shh. No one's going to hurt you. You're safe now. You're not in Pylea anymore." She kissed Fred on the forehead and rocked her gently. Eventually, Fred quieted down and Buffy went back to her room.

* * *

The next day Buffy woke up and got ready for her first official day of work. She went downstairs and made herself some cereal and coffee for breakfast. A short while later, Fred came down the stairs. Tara and Willow were still asleep.

"Hey there. How are you feeling?" Buffy asked concerned.

"I'm fine. Was I dreaming you in my room or not?" Fred was still a little confused.

"You were having a nightmare and it woke me up. I went into you room to check on you and calmed you down before I left."

"Sorry." Fred put her head down.

Buffy took her chin and lifted it gently, looking into Fred's eyes. "Hey, it's okay. I get nightmares too. There is nothing to be ashamed about. Okay?" Fred nodded. "Good. I need to go to work and I'll probably patrol after so I'll be back late. Don't wait up for me alright?"

"Okay. I think I'll go to the college and see if I can get a job in the science department. Do you have a computer so I can make a resume?" Fred asked.

"Yea, you can use the one in the office. Everything in there should work. If you have problems, I'm sure you can fix it or get Willow to help you. Now I gotta go or I'll be late." Buffy ran out the door.

* * *

Later, Fred went to the college and found a job in the science department. They were impressed with her credentials and gave her a job as a researcher. They also allowed her to apply for several grants so she could continue her studies. She couldn't wait to tell Buffy her good news.

* * *

Buffy walked through the cemetery on patrol after she got done with work. She had grease and all sorts of grime in her hair and she hated it there. The manager was an ass. She was feeling sorry for herself when she came across a certain platinum haired vamp.

"Hello luv." Spike greeted.

"Spike. What are you doing here?" Buffy asked.

"Just doing a quick patrol. You know fighting evil and all that rot."

"Great. Must be fulfilling." Buffy snarked.

"Have you told them where you really were yet?"

"No, and I don't think I will anytime soon. Why?"

"Just wondering why you saw it to tell me?"

"I had a lapse in judgement."

"Really? Or could it mean something else?"

"Like what?"

"Like maybe you want to lose yourself in the darkness and I can help you with that. You belong in the dark. You know you haven't felt like yourself in a long time." Buffy knew this was partially true. She did feel like she came back wrong, and she did want to hide in the darkness. It would be so easy to give in, but then she thought of Fred and her resolve kicked in. Fred represented everything Buffy needed: hope, life, light, and love. She'd choose that over the darkness that was threatening her anytime.

"Listen up Spikey, I'll never want to be with you. Just get over it and move on already."

"Then why did you confide in me and not your precious Scoobies?" He sneered. "You know why? It's because you can see darkness in yourself. You see yourself in me."

"That's crap. And guess what? You aren't the only one that knows my secret. Fred, Cordy, Gunn, and Wesley all know where I really was." Spike's face fell. "Yea, guess you aren't as special as you thought huh? Spike, just leave it alone. I appreciated everything you did to help, but I will never be with you. Ever!" Buffy turned around and headed home leaving a sulking vampire behind.

* * *

It was after midnight when Buffy walked through the door. She was exhausted and frustrated at the same time. Buffy had worked from the time she left in the morning until 8pm. Then she after work she went on patrol until now which had her all worked up with no release. She went upstairs, grabbed her pajamas, and went into the bathroom for a long, self-gratifying shower. Thirty minutes later, Buffy felt slightly better and could only feel her tiredness pushing through. She slipped into bed and fell asleep.

_Buffy was happy. She was laying out in the sun. Her mom was sitting on the porch drinking iced tea. Her cousin, Celia, was laying right next to her. They were just enjoying the warmth. Buffy knew that her sister, Dawn, was okay. She felt herself drift away in peace. She could hear her mom and cousin calling her name, but she couldn't answer._

_She woke up gasping for air in a dark place. When she tried to get up, she realized that she was trapped, buried in a coffin. She began to scream, punching the box, crawling out, digging her way through the dirt._

Buffy woke up gasping and clawing at the air. She was soaked in sweat and shaking. She turned to her nightstand to look at her clock. It read 4:45 am. _'Shit! Another nightmare. There's no way I'll be able to sleep now and I have to be at work at 9. Guess I'll go make me some coffee and breakfast.'_ Buffy got out of bed, brushed her teeth, and started to go downstairs when she heard whimpering coming from Fred's room again. She quickly went into the room to see Fred tossing around. As she did the night before, Buffy gathered Fred into her arms and rocked her gently.

Fred woke up to see concerned green eyes staring back at her. "How are you feeling?" Buffy inquired.

"Better. Thanks for being here." Fred said softly.

"It was no biggie. Want to talk about it?" Fred shook her head.

"Okay. Do you want me to leave?"

"No, I feel better when you're here." Fred glanced at Buffy. "I'm sorry I woke you up again."

"You didn't. I had just had my own little nightmare and couldn't go back to sleep. I was about to go downstairs when I heard you. Sure you don't want to talk about it? You might feel better."

"I will if you tell me about yours. Deal?" Fred wheedled.

"Alright. You first." Buffy sighed.

"Okay." Fred took a deep breath before explaining her dream. She told Buffy of how it was when she first arrived. She was made a slave and had to wear a shock collar. Everytime she did something wrong she would get shocked. A lot of the times she was shocked just because it gave her owner pleasure. It was so bad that she thought her previous life was fake. She finally ran away, but spent a lot of the time hiding in a cave. Buffy just sat and listened and rubbed Fred back soothingly, occasionally kissing her on her forehead to give comfort.

"It was horrible. Sometimes I think I'm going to wake up and find myself back as a cow." Fred sobbed.

"Ssshhh. It's okay baby. You're here with me and you're safe now. I won't let anything happen to you." Buffy held Fred with one arm and used her free hand to run through Fred's hair.

"I know you won't. I always feel safe when I'm with you." When Fred got herself together, she told Buffy, "Your turn."

Buffy chuckled. "It started off nice. I was with my mom and my cousin and just laying around soaking up the warmth of the sun. Then I start drifting to sleep with them calling my name. Next thing I know, I'm gasping for air and digging myself out of my grave. I woke up in bed clawing at air and drenched in my perspiration."

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that. You must have been so scared." Fred stated.

"Well your life hasn't been roses either. But yes, I was terrified. I thought I was kicked out of Heaven and landed in Hell. I think that waking up in a coffin with no air made me slightly claustrophobic." Buffy said sadly.

Fred looked at Buffy and said, "Well I'm always here for you if you need to talk."

"Same here. I think we can help heal each other."

"Thank you again for seeing if I was okay." Fred pressed her lips against Buffy's softly.

Buffy tightened her hold on Fred and deepened the kiss, running her tongue along Fred's mouth begging for entrance. She slipped her tongue in when Fred complied, sensually massaging Fred's own tongue with hers. They battled for a little while before running out of breath. When Buffy finally released Fred, she smiled at her. "I hope I can get more thanks like that in the future." Fred blushed, but smiled in return.

"I think that can be arranged. I've been wanting to do that for a long time." She said shyly.

"You and me both. I think I've wanted to do that the moment I walked into the Hyperion and saw you." Buffy told her. "Do you want to go get something to eat?" Fred nodded.

"Sure. Let me make a quick trip to the bathroom first." Fred got up and left Buffy in bed. Ten minutes later, they made their way downstairs for breakfast.

Since Buffy wasn't a great cook, she made the coffee while Fred made them eggs and bacon. "Mmm... Smells good sweetie." Buffy wrapped her arms around Fred and nipped her ear lightly. Fred let out a soft moan.

"Keep it up and I'll burn the food." Fred admonished. Buffy snickered and ran her tongue lightly along Fred's ear. Then she gave her another quick nip before letting go.

"Do you want to patrol with me tonight?" Buffy asked as they were eating.

"When?" Fred responded.

"After I finish work, I can come here and pick you up." Buffy answered.

"Alright. Oh I almost forgot! I got a job at Sunnydale University as a researcher. I start there tomorrow."

"That's great! Are you just working during the day or will there be night shifts?"

"I'm not sure yet. I think it's mostly during the day."

"Well if you end up working late, let me know and I'll come and get you. I don't want you out at night on your own. It's too dangerous, even with your cool weapons. Promise me?

"Okay I promise, but if I'm out late, then we patrol together."

"Deal." Buffy leaned over to give Fred another kiss.

"Buffy---" Dawn interrupted. They broke apart blushing. "Oh my God! I didn't see anything. I was never here!" She started to back out.

"Dawnie, don't be ridiculous. Yes, Fred and I were kissing. I like her and I hope you aren't going to make a big deal out of it." Buffy stated.

"Uh, sure. I have no problem with it. Fred is nice."

"Umm. Thanks?" Fred said hesitantly.

"Sure thing. Buffy, when did you start liking girls?" Dawn wondered.

"I dunno. I guess there might have been an attraction with Faith, but she went evil so I never tried to explore it. I've never really looked at another girl except for Fred."

"Well I am happy for you if you guys are happy. What are you going to tell the others?"

Buffy looked at Fred who shrugged. "I'm not planning on making a huge announcement, but I'm not hiding anything either. I figure if they ask me, then I'll answer, but until then we'll just go on as we were." Fred shook her head in agreement. The Scoobies made her nervous and she didn't want to do the whole spotlight thing.

"Huh. I hope I get to see their faces when they figure it out." Dawn squealed excitedly.

Buffy shook her head in exasperation. "You're evil. I gotta get ready for work." Buffy got up and gave Fred a hard passionate kiss leaving her dazed.

"You're in deep, aren't you?" Dawn smirked. Fred blushed.

"Yea, I felt something the first time we met and when I first saw her practice Tai Chi, I knew I loved her. She was so graceful. It was like a beautiful dance." Fred confessed. "I don't want to seem pushy though. I don't wanna scare her off.

"I don't think that you have to worry. I've never seen Buffy look so at peace before. And she's not one to show her feelings, so the fact that she kissed you with an audience without any shame, says a lot." Dawn said reassuringly. "I know Buffy feels something important for you because she didn't try to hide it." Fred gave her a soft smile. _'Oh yea, she's a goner.' _Dawn mused.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Some time after Fred and Buffy had gotten closer, Xander and Anya had announced their engagement and were currently putting all of their extra time into planning their wedding, while Anya ran the Magic Box. Spike had finally dealt with his feelings and decided that he'd rather be Buffy's friend than nothing at all. He would often join Buffy and Fred out on patrol. He was the only other one besides Dawn that actually had their relationship confirmed. He'd also taken a great liking to Fred and was very protective towards her during patrol. It was amusing for Buffy to see the former Big Bad act like a mother hen towards them. He was quickly becoming one of her best friends and sparring partner. They had found out a while back that he could hurt Buffy when he tackled her to the ground to save her from some demon that was about to hit her from the back. He was just as surprised as they were. He told Buffy that if she really didn't trust him, to just stake him. Buffy decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. When the Scoobies found out, everyone blew up and wanted to stake him, but Buffy shot them down immediately. He'd been a great friend to her ever since.

* * *

A month passed by and Buffy and Fred's relationship progressed slowly. They had started sleeping in the same room because they noticed that the comfort of the other's arms pushed the nightmares away. Once in a while, one of them would still get one, but the other was always there to comfort them. If they went on patrol together, they ended up in Buffy's room. If Buffy came home late, she slept in Fred's room. They shared passionate kisses and some light touching, but hadn't advanced to making love yet. They fell into a warm, comfortable relationship. No one commented on the light kisses or hand holding between the two, which led Buffy to believe that they were either ignoring it or incredibly blind. Either way, she didn't care. While she had started to open up more towards Dawn and Giles, she still kept her distance the Scoobies. 

Buffy and Fred continued to do Tai Chi sets and train together on the days they were both off from their jobs. Buffy continued to work at the Doublemeat Palace and still hated it, but being with Fred brightened her days. Fred loved her work and would talk about it with Buffy, who didn't understand most of it, but loved the way Fred lit up when talking about it. She would also talk about her work with Giles who actually had an academic interest in it. Fred got along with mostly everyone, especially Tara. They were similar in nature and instantly bonded. Both were smart, shy, and sweet people, and found an understanding with each other. Willow, on the other hand, hated it and would make the occasional snide remark. It would piss Buffy off if she caught it, but Fred would just let it go. Willow's jealousy and newfound addiction for magic was starting to cause a rift between her and Tara.

Dawn was adjusting to her sister being back and also her new relationship. She was starting to find some happiness at home. Buffy was no longer distant and uncaring towards her, Giles had stayed instead of going back to England, Spike still hung around with her, and her and Fred got along. She thought Fred was sweet and interesting. She also liked the cool things that Fred built. On the down side she also noticed Buffy's continuing slight animosity towards her friends, never really hanging out with them or having friendly conversation. It wasn't as severe as before, but Dawn suspected that Buffy's recently improved mood was because of Fred. All in all things seemed to be looking up.

* * *

During one night on patrol, Buffy and Fred were walking through the cemetery with Spike hanging a little back to give them privacy and tom make sure no one would sneak up behind them. All of a sudden both Buffy and Spike felt a familiar presence when Spike was suddenly tackled to the ground. The figure who jumped him started to beat Spike with a fury until Buffy managed to throw him into the nearby tree. Fred went to check on Spike and Buffy went to get a better look at their surprise attacker. The figure slumped in front of them and Buffy recognized who had attacked Spike. 

"Angel?" Buffy said confused.

Angel had pulled himself up from the ground and whispered, "Buffy. Are you okay?"

" 'Ello, Peaches." Spike smirked.

"Spike!" Angel went to attack Spike again, but was blocked by Buffy. "Buffy, what are you doing? It's Spike."

"I know. He helps me with patrols. What are you doing here Angel?"

"I had finally gotten back from mourning your death only to be told that you were alive and Fred went with you. I just wanted to see for myself that you were okay." He went to kiss Buffy, but she step away. He gave her a hurt look. Spike had witnessed the exchange and smirked.

"Look you Ponce, you came, you saw. Now why don't you just head on out? As you can see Buffy's doing fine without you." Spike sneered.

"Buffy, why are you protecting him? He's evil." Angel tried to reason.

"Spike can't hurt any humans and he's our friend." Buffy gestured toward Fred, making Angel notice her for the first time. "He helped me out before, he helped when I was dead, and he helps out now." Angel winced.

"Yea, Cordy told me everything. I can't believe they did that! How stupid can they be? Imagine my surprise when she said you had come to L.A. looking for me and left with Fred." Angel smiled towards Fred. "Hey, Fred. I see you're doing a lot better now."

Fred gave him a shy smile and said, "Yep. It's real interesting here. Plus I like helping to fight the good fight." Angel looked incredulous.

"Really? How'd you manage that?" Angel asked a bit to condescending for both Buffy and Spike's liking.

"Oi Peaches! Don't sound so skeptical. Our little Fred is one smart cookie, aren't you Ducks?" Spike winked at Fred making her blush. "She builds great weapons and is a top notch researcher when she needs to be."

"Yea, you should see some of the weapons she's made. They're interesting, but very effective. Oh and I've been teaching her some Tai Chi and self defense. She's coming along nicely." Buffy looked at Fred adoringly and affectionately put her arm around Fred's waist in an intimate gesture. Angel's eyebrows rose.

"Well, I try to help any way I can." Fred said modestly in her soft drawl.

"Well that's great. I guess I don't need to ask if you're both doing okay?" Angel looked pointedly at Buffy and Fred. They both blushed.

"Oh yea. Angel can we talk privately for a minute?" Buffy asked.

"Sure."

"C'mon pet, let's move up a bit. They'll catch up with us." Spike stated.

Fred gave Buffy a hesitant glance. Buffy smiled reassuringly. Then Fred allowed Spike to lead her away.

Buffy looked at Angel not really knowing what to say. He was her first love, but now she felt nothing except maybe friendship. She still wasn't even sure about that. She couldn't forgive him for taking back the time he became human. Once, it was something she had dreamed about that came true, but he took it away. All because he couldn't handle being weaker than her. His betrayal killed whatever small hope she ever had of being with him. Now she only wanted to be with Fred. The thought made her smile.

"So." Buffy began.

"So." Angel responded. "Fred, huh?"

"Yea."

"Didn't see that one coming."

"Me neither."

"When did you start liking girls? Though honestly, I've always wondered about Faith. But she's completely different from Fred."

"I might have had an attraction towards Faith, but Fred makes me have feelings that I didn't know were possible."

"Do you love her?"

"Is it really any of your business?"

"I just want to make sure that you aren't rushing into anything." Buffy sneered at his words.

"Oh please, Angel. Give me a break. You did this before with Riley. Your ego is bruised once again that I've moved on. And with a girl. YOU left me! Who I'm with is none of your business!" Angel winced at Buffy's rising temper.

"Can you blame me? We couldn't be together. You deserved someone who could take you out in the sun, but I know that I've never stopped loving you." Angel defended.

"Yea well, we all know how well you show your love." Buffy snarked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When I was brought back, it did something to me. I remembered everything from that day you took back. You turned human and couldn't just be happy to be with me!"

Angel's stomach sank. "I did it to protect you! You would have died if I wasn't strong enough to help you."

"That shouldn't have mattered. I've always known that I wouldn't have a normal life nor would I have a very long one. Well guess what, Angel? I DID DIE! You weren't here to protect me as you insist. If you loved me like you say, you would have been happy with the time we would have had. Instead, you ran just like you always do when things don't fit in your little box of how things should be. None of this really matters anymore. You got what you wanted. Fred can be out in the sun with me and she makes me happy. To answer your question earlier: yes, I love her."

"Did I mean so little then?" Angel asked still hurt from her criticism.

"No. At one time, I would have given anything to be with you. Whatever hope I once had died the minute I remembered what you did. I can't forgive you for that. Mostly because you broke my trust by taking away my right to choose along with my memories. I still love you, we can never be together. You need to move on. We can still be friends in time, but not sooner." Angel gave her a look like a puppy that had been kicked.

"Can I ask what makes her so special? She seemed a little crazy in Pylea?" Angel said petulantly.

Buffy rolled her eyes at his childishness. "To start off, she's one of the sweetest people I've ever known. She has been through a lot, but is stronger for it, and she still managed to keep some of her innocence. In a world full of monsters, I need that to remind me that the world still needs me. Before I jumped, I was ready to die. Everything was too overwhelming and I wanted to end it. I was finally at peace. Then my friends brought me back. I woke up in my grave gasping for air only to learn that it was my friends who did it to me. Everything was so bright and harsh that it hurt to be here. Then I stopped caring about everything, going out every night hoping to get killed." Angel gave her a sharp look. "I was so angry with everything so I went to L.A. to get your help, but you weren't there. Ironically, every time I need you, you aren't there." Buffy couldn't resist the dig. Angel scowled. "I met Fred and she moved something inside of me that I thought had died. Between her and the rest of your crew, I started to feel a little better. When I left, Fred wanted to come with and I didn't have the heart to say no. At the time, she was also in a bad place still thinking that she was going to wake up and be in Pylea once again. We helped to heal each other. She is shy, sweet, smart, pretty, adorable, and pretty much my reason for wanting to live again. I love her for it. More importantly, I'm in love with her." Buffy finished.

"Well I hope you're happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you." Angel said sincerely even though it hurt to know that she would never be with him again. The irony of it all was that Fred was Buffy's reason for living, and Buffy was Angel's. He smiled wryly at that thought.

"Thank you, Angel. It means a lot." Buffy accepted.

"I should be going now. I just wanted to make sure you were okay and Fred too. I'd say that you were both more than okay." Angel smirked. "If you're ever in L.A. again, don't be a stranger. I know that the gang would want to see you guys again. When I got back, they mentioned how you helped them out while I was gone. Thanks."

"It was no problem. They helped me too. Okay, I need to catch up with Fred and Spike. I'll tell them your goodbyes." Angel nodded, gave Buffy a quick hug, and left.

* * *

Buffy caught up with Fred and Spike about a block away. "Hey luv, did the poofter leave?" Spike asked. 

"Yes. He was a little upset that I wasn't pining for him anymore, but he'll get over it. He wished me well and said goodbye, but this was after he got over his pouting." Buffy smirked.

"So he's okay with us then?" Fred asked.

"He's as okay as he'll ever be. He did tell me to come visit though, so no hard feelings there. What do you think? Wanna take a little trip to see them in a few weeks? I bet Spike can handle patrol." Buffy looked at Spike who nodded.

"I'd love to see Cordy, Gunn, and Wes again." Fred agreed.

"Good. We can bring Dawn this time too. Make it a little weekend trip. Now that it's settled, let's go home."

* * *

Things, however, would not stay quiet for long. One day, when everyone was at the magic box, Willow made another snide remark about Fred being a crazy mad scientist when she was talking about one of her theories. That was when Buffy refused to let it go on. She snapped. 

"What the hell is your problem Willow?" Buffy snarled. Everyone froze.

"Buffy, it's okay." Fred tried to calm her girlfriend down, but tears were in her eyes from the hurtful comment.

"No it's not fucking okay! She has no right to put you or anyone else down! You didn't see me teasing you when you were the nerdy geek in overalls! " Buffy yelled.

"Oh that's right. Poor nerdy Willow! I got over it. Fred will too. I don't know why you care about her so much. You hardly even know her. You've known us for five years and now you act like we aren't your friends anymore. You're always with Fred." Willow sneered. "You act like we mean so little to you. We rescued you from Hell and didn't even get a thank you."

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Buffy said coldly.

"How about we just calm down for a minute? Okay?" Xander tried to smooth everything. "I'm sure Will didn't mean it. She'll apologize, right?" He looked to Willow.

"Why should I? It was the truth after all." Willow refused to back down. "You never talk to me or Xander anymore. Even on patrol, you take Fred and Spike! Spike, I can sort of understand, but Fred? So what if she can make stupid little weapons? We've been fighting with you for a lot longer and you just throw us to the side. What's so great about her, your new little girlfriend? Don't act like you don't know. Since when do you play for the home team anyway, Buffy?"

"Willow, that's enough! It's none of our business." Tara intervened.

"Oh that's right, I forgot! You and Fred are best buddies aren't you. In fact, everyone LOVES Fred! No! I'm curious. When did Buffy start the girl lovin'?"

"It's none of your business who I'm with, but do you really want me to answer that, Will? Okay, I will. She is one of the few I can actually stand to be around. The reason why I don't talk to any of you is because if I do, every single word I say will be hateful. Are you fucking happy now?" Everyone went quiet. "You see Willow, I hate you for bringing me back since I was never in Hell! I was in Heaven and at peace for the first time, and you guys ripped me away! And for what? To be a slave to this damn Hellmouth? You could have gotten the Council's help with it instead of bringing me back." Buffy's whole body was shaking with anger.

"What---" How---" "We thought you were in Hell!" Willow said in shock. "How were we supposed to know?"

"You could have made sure! Let me ask you all something. If I were truly in Hell, then why did you have a body to bury? And if I died, what is left behind after the body?" Buffy asked harshly. Fred rubbed her back in comfort.

"Oh my god! The soul!" Tara whispered in recognition.

"Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!" Buffy said sarcastically. "Now that we've established that it was my soul that left my body, and I just so happen to have died saving the world, where do you think I would have ended up since I am, you know, a hero? A champion?" Realization dawned on all of their faces, but Anya was the one that spoke up.

"A champion of the light always ends up in Heaven." She piped up, proud to be of help.

"Why thank you, Anya." Buffy snarked. "You're such a big help." Anya cringed at Buffy's tone.

"Oh my God!" Dawn burst into tears.

"Ahn, if you knew that was a possibility, why didn't you say anything?" Xander asked sadly.

"I did, but no one listened to me. Even Tara mentioned that we shouldn't mess with those magics, but you and Willow were so determined to do the spell and refused to listen." Anya informed him bluntly.

"No no no." Willow sobbed. Xander went to comfort her.

"We didn't know, Buffy. I'm sorry." He said through tears.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy. We should have never done the spell." Tara cried.

"No, you shouldn't have. I expected better of all of you. Now you're all sorry. Yea, me! I get dragged back to this duty that I should have been done with, but it's okay now because you're all sorry!" Buffy said caustically.

"My dear girl, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell us?" Giles asked sadly.

"Everyone was so proud of themselves and patting themselves on the back. I was in so much pain. That's why I went to L.A. I needed to get my head together without any of you smothering me. You all expected me to act like I was the same, but I wasn't. No one in L.A. expected anything out of me, and I could open up to them. Besides Spike and Fred, they've all known where I was. Didn't it occur to any of you that I would have been happier to be alive if I had really been in Hell? And if I was in Hell, don't you think I would have seemed more like a savage at first. Remember what I said Angel was like when he came back? Even Cordy guessed where I really was before I even had to explain. No, you weren't trying to save me. You were being selfish. The Hellmouth needed a slayer, and of course I was the logical choice even though I was dead and at peace!" Buffy spat out. She looked at her friends. "You guys brought me back to a calling that I hate! I woke up in my own grave and had to dig my way out because you didn't even think to dig me out first. I still get nightmares of waking up buried alive. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"We're really sorry, Buffy." Willow weeped. "Why could you tell them and not us?"

"Sorry doesn't cut it. I couldn't tell you because I resented every single one of you. Everyone wanted me to be something for them. A sister, mother, daughter, slayer, or friend. Before I died, I was ready to be done. Everything prior to the battle with Glory had started to come down on me and I couldn't handle it anymore. Spike was right when he said that all slayers have a death wish. Death was my way out. I was relieved when I jumped. When you brought me back, I hurt everywhere, but then I became numb. I didn't care whether I lived or died. I just went through the motions, hoping that a vamp would get lucky and kill me so I could go back." Dawn gasped.

"No, Buffy!" She teared up again.

"Oh dear lord!" Giles began cleaning his glasses.

"Don't worry, Dawnie. I don't feel like that anymore. See when I went to L.A., I was still angry at everyone, but then I met Fred." Buffy smiled at Fred. "I felt connected to her the minute we met. She reminded me of the Willow I knew my sophomore year of high school: the one that was really my best friend. Not this power-hungry, magic-addicted, jealous, spiteful bitch! Fred was very shy and sweet, but smart and pretty. She had just been rescued from Pylea and was scarred, but had somehow managed to retain some of her innocence still. It gave me hope that there are still things worth living for. Every night I go out and fight, makes the world a better place for those who still have their innocence. The ones who remain untouched by evil. It's what makes the world all more beautiful. Fred is my hope and my salvation. She calms me and gives me the balance I need in my life. She is my light in the dark. I love her. If it weren't for her, I would be in a much worse place right now. You should all be thankful to her because it's for her that I try to forgive you for ripping me away from my only peace. And this is also why she is so special." Buffy gave Fred a soft kiss on her lips. "I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too." Fred said shyly. Buffy smiled before addressing the Scoobies.

"So now you all know why I'm distant. Dawn, Giles, I know you had nothing to do with it which is why I've been more friendly towards you two. I can probably forgive the rest of you guys one day because if you never brought me back, then I would have never met Fred. Right now, it's too soon to forgive because it still hurts. I hate my calling, but Fred and Dawn make it easier. I hope you now understand where my resentment is coming from and I hope you'll give me the time to get over it. Willow, you need to get your shit together because you're headed towards a bad place. Just look around you." Buffy grabbed Fred's hand and led her out of the store leaving a bunch of sobbing Scoobies behind.

* * *

When Buffy and Fred got home, Buffy took Fred into her room, laid her on the bed, and kissed her passionately. She alternated between massaging and sucking Fred's tongue. Then she caressed Fred's skin under her shirt, slowly moving her hands in circles. She took one of Fred's breasts and lightly brushed the nipple. Fred whimpered in pleasure. "I want to make love to you. Is that okay?" Buffy asked. Fred nodded. They both discarded their clothes before resuming their touching. 

Buffy moved over Fred lightly caressing Fred's skin. She kissed a trail along Fred's jaw all the way down to her breasts. She took one nipple into her mouth and sucked. Fred let out a small moan. Then Buffy took the other nipple between her teeth and alternated between nibbling and flicking her tongue against it. At the same time she worked her mouth on Fred's breasts, Buffy moved her hand in between Fred's legs and parted her swollen lips with her finger tips. Buffy stroked around Fred's clit never touching it completely.

"Ohh. More Buffy." Fred begged.

Buffy rubbed tiny circles on the tiny nubbin before slipping two fingers in Fred's drenching hole. Buffy started at long, slow strokes building up the friction. Fred groaned. She began to thrust her hips to meet Buffy's strokes. Buffy sucked on one of Fred's nipples as she continued to stroke at the excruciating slow pace.

"Please Buffy. I can't take it. Make me come." Fred pleaded.

"Soon, baby." Buffy promised. Then she began to pick up the pace sending Fred into a heated frenzy. Fred met Buffy thrust for thrust. Buffy could feel Fred's vaginal walls begin to tighten and decided to send her lover over the edge. She moved her mouth down Fred's body, finally settling between her legs. She covered the wet sex with her tongue giving Fred's clit hard licks occasionally flicking the hard nub with her tongue and stroking furiously with her _fingers. 'Hmm. She tastes good.' _Then she sucked hard on Fred's clit giving Fred the release that she needed. She exploded instantly.

"Buffy, I'm coming!" Fred screamed.

Waves of pleasure rolled through her, and her walls clamped down around Buffy's fingers. When Fred finally finished, Buffy removed her fingers and began to clean up the cum soaking Fred's mound. She gave Fred's sex soothing licks, lightly blowing over her sensitive clit. Then she worked her way up Fred's body and gave her a hard kiss. Fred could taste herself on Buffy's lips.

"How are you feeling?" She asked Fred. "Was it okay?"

"That was incredible. Where did you learn to do that?" Fred wondered.

"It just came to me. I only did what I would want done to me." Buffy said shyly.

"It was perfect."

"Thanks babe." Buffy smirked proudly.

"Now it's my turn." Fred said mischievously. Then slid her body down to meet Buffy's own wet lips. She stuck her tongue out and gave a few tentative licks, eventually giving longer harder strokes. She grabbed Buffy's ass with her hands holding her in place. Buffy moaned loudly. Fred swirled her tongue around Buffy's clit a few times, then latched on and sucked. She inserted three fingers in Buffy's dripping hole from behind, stroking fast as she sucked Buffy's swollen bundle. Buffy began to grind against Fred's mouth as her orgasm began to build. Fred could feel Buffy start to clench and removed her fingers from Buffy's tight hole, replacing them with her tongue. She stiffened her tongue and gave hard, fast thrusts into Buffy. Buffy whimpered loudly.

"Please Fred. I need more!" Buffy cried out.

Fred slipped her wet finger in between Buffy's butt cheeks lightly caressing her other hole, testing her girlfriend's reaction. Buffy groaned. Fred took this as an okay and slipped the finger in Buffy's anus. Buffy gasped as Fred stroked in and out of Buffy's two openings simultaneously. Buffy rocked hard against Fred's face and fingers trying to get a release. As soon as Fred could feel Buffy's climax approach, she thrust both her finger and her tongue in both holes hard. Buffy cried out as she came. Fred removed her finger from Buffy's anus, but kept her tongue deep inside and wiggled it. Buffy orgasmed again. Fred drank up the girl cum as it flowed from Buffy's sex. Buffy shuddered with pleasure until finished her release. When she finished, she gathered Fred in her arms.

"Geez, babe. You damn near killed me! How the hell did you know what to do?" Buffy rasped out.

"Well, I went through an experimental phase in college." Fred grinned widely.

"That was the most intense orgasm I've ever had." Buffy kissed her. "But I'm not done with you yet. I've been wanting you for a long time. I just can't seem to get enough of you, baby. Do you mind if I try something a little different?" Fred shook her head.

Buffy slid her body over Fred's and positioned herself between Fred's legs. Then she used one hand to open up Fred's nether lips, exposing her clit. Next, she did the same to her own sex and mounted Fred so that both of their clits rubbed against each other. Buffy began to move, grinding her clit into Fred's. They both moaned with pleasure. Buffy kept the pace slow and sensual, making each other wetter with every move. Soon they were sliding easily along causing Buffy to pick up the pace until she was thrusting hard on Fred. Both of them felt the ecstasy rise with every thrust. The two of them cried out as they felt their orgasm approaching. They both reached their release together. Buffy collapsed on Fred in exhaustion nuzzling the crook of her neck.

"I love you." Buffy murmured.

"I love you too." Fred returned.

Then the two lovers fell in a deep slumber. Instead of their demons, they dreamt of each other and their love. They had finally begun to heal.

**THE END**


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